you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
