Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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