we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
