If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize