i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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