theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
