Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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