Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
