Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
