It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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