dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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