I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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