she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
