He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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