hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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