sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
