I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
