Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
