that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
