If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
