dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
