anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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