you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How external is "for external use only"?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
