Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
