i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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