Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
