We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
