How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
