put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
