He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
