Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
