He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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