Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
