you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
