Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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