With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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