Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
