I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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