So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
