She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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