so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
