I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
