I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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