You just made me feel so damn special
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
