No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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