woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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