and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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