Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
