My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
