nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize