She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
