My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
