i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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