my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
