We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize