I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
