your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
