Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize