Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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