if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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