smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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