my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
