New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
