remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
